Finally, I posted again after slacking off for so long
(post ini pake bahasa inggris, karena gue bener-bener butuh saran).
I'm confused, really confused and uh, in Indonesia, we call it a "dilema" or maybe "galau" *shrug* so, I'll just tell you what my problem is.
I have a friend, let's just call her, Sera, so, yeah, Sera is a nice girl, funny, kind, supportive, honest, loyal and such, but lately, I don't feel comfortable to hang around with her.
You see, Sera is my best friend, together with Reina and Lucia, they're my best friend, and all of us used to eat together at lunch break. Well, we used to laugh, giggled, chatting, even gossiping and everyday feels so fun and warm.
But lately, Sera is always quiet. Me, Reina, and Lucia are in the same class while she's in a different class, she made friends with some girls in there and such. She used to come to me and the others, at the beginning of the 9th grade, she came with smile.
Now?
She came with a dull face, sometimes if we do something funny, she'll smile and cheered up, but lately, it's not working. You see, it feels like the only person who enjoyed it all was just me, Reina, and Lucia. Sometimes we just stayed quiet and said nothing to each other, not even Reina and Lucia.
The fun lunch break, has turned into the individually lunch break, and I'm totally sick of it. Also, yesterday, on the second break, she holds my hand and said, "You have to be more mature! Look, I've changed to be a little more mature, Reina has changed too, and Lucia has already mature, now, the most childish person here is you." she said that gently with a smile.
But it makes me sick.
Ugh, if being mature means no laughing at jokes or whatsoever, then I don't want to be Mature! for crying out loud! And at the same time.
It makes me sad.
I saw my fanfics, the kuroshitsuji, the naruto, it makes me wonder, "Am I too Otaku, to be a girl? Am I too childish to be a teenager? Am I too naive to be a junior high school student? Am I don't belong here?" I'm sad, I want to cry.
That word makes me feel like I'm a total geek, a total loser. The lowest from them. I feel like I'm a stupid geek.
But I love to make fanfics! I love to write stories, makes my own character than pour feelings to that characters, it's my world, it's my way.
A single word, and it makes me cry.
What should I do?
love,
Sayaka
1 komentar:
Unfortunately, you will become mature, no matter what. That such thing doesn't (won't) affect your relationship, but the problem is, they (your friends) may choose another way, instead of you. You must find your own way.
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